I am in a interesting predicament. This anti-rewards teacher has the potential of being rewarded through the Great American Teach Off and win a $10,000 classroom grant by being declared the winner over 9 other innovative educators. So not only would I be singled out as a good educator but I would also be recognized at the expense of others. So how does that all work? Do I declare myself a hypocrite and say "whatever" to people may raise an eyebrow over the fact that I am celebrating being in this? Or do I reflect and discuss exactly how it feels? Yep, I chose to discuss, so some truths I have realized in this process:
- It matters how the recognition happens. I was nominated by my mother, which in my mind is about the greatest achievement there is. The fact that someone I admire so much sees what I do every day and wanted to write someone and tell them about it, just floors me. She took the time to highlight what I have done in my room, my vision for education, and all of the adventures my students have without wanting anything in return, without there being anything in it for her, without being told. For some reason this resonates with me when I recognize my students' achievements. I try to do it without prompt, without rewarding me in any sense, and also because I am proud of them so I take the time to give them time and really let them know how proud I am. That's what makes them know they matter, much like my mother did.
- There is a difference between recognition and rewards. Yes, I am excited to be in the running for $10,000 for my kids because let's face it, I make what an average telemarketer makes a year and cannot buy the supplies I would like for my kids. And yet what really excites me is that someone is recognizing that running a classroom with little homework, little grades, no punishment and no reward system is actually a good thing. That giving students a voice is a great thing and that trying to create hands on learning opportunities for kids within a public school setting can be done. So if that means being in a contest to get more validity behind what I do in my classroom; so be it, it then helps the cause of changing education. I would be in this contest even if there wasn't a prize (and yes I was asked whether I wanted to be part of it when they called me to tell me of my finalist status because of all the work I had to do).
- Recognition is different when it is after the fact. I did not change a single thing in my classroom with the intent of being recognized for it. I did not change the way I teach and the way I think about teaching because I hoped that someone would read my blog, or be inspired, or think I was doing a good job. I did it because I had to. All of those things that I am being recognized for I did because I knew it would benefit my students, help them continue to love learning, and drive their passion. I did it because it was urgent for me and something that had to be done if I was to continue as a teacher. Had I known there would be a contest at the end of it, I wonder if I would have been less fearless, more subdued in order to not upset anyone? Perhaps I wouldn't have been so honest incase anyone got offended - and trust me, people get offended. Perhaps, I would have done a Pernille Lite version of all of this. And so I am glad I didn't know because when all of this is over (which it could be in a week), I am continuing on my path, doing what I do, and continuing my educational journey.
- Wait...what I am doing? Self-doubt and buckets of time, yes, this contest is an anxiety producing time consumer. Five 90 second videos take up a lot of time and add a lot of stress to someone who is an overachiever. And yet, the day moves on and the kids and my family has to be my priority. Their educational experience cannot suffer because I am distracted so shut it off. Think of how our kids must feel if there is a competition within the room? How distracted, anxious or excited they must feel. Yeah, adults go through the same and it is hard to control it.
- It is still a competition and honestly competitions makes losers out of all of us. The fact that this is a popularity contest has not escaped me. We get voted out of the contest by the public, not by how we have raised test scores (thankfully) or how engaged our students are (bummer), but by the impact of our video and how many people we know. That bothers me. And that must be exactly how our students feel when we have student council elections, prom queens, and any other vote. Yes, it's great to be nominated but what if you don't win? Or how do others feel because I was nominated and they weren't? This does not mean I am better teacher than anyone else and yet that is what contests wants us to believe. That you can declare a winner...but within education there doesn't seem to be any fair winners. And I wonder whether there can be? Is there a way for teachers to be recognized without hurting other people's feelings? Do we even need to recognize teachers or should they just be happy through the love and admiration of their students? Can teacher contests bring about change or do they just produce scorn within the education community?
So there you have it. An honest self-dialogue laid out for the world to see. Feel free to jump in, it is an interesting dilemma to be in, and I certainly do not have all of the answers.
